Hold Me
by totalizzyness
Summary: Dean absolutely hates cuddling. Except that he doesn't. - Explicit content inside.


Dean groaned happily, folding his arms behind his head, stretching his legs out, a cocky smile playing on his lips. Several moments later, the smile was wiped from his face as Castiel slid out from the bed, grabbing his clothes from the floor. Propping himself up on his elbows, Dean frowned at his lover.

"Cas?"

"I have duties to get to. I also know my lingering whilst you sleep, quote-unquote: creeps you out."

"Oh... Yeah... Well..."

Draping the tie around his neck, Cas leant down and pressed a soft kiss to Dean's forehead; "I'll return in the morning."

"All right..."

"Sleep well, Dean."

Still half-dressed, Castiel disappeared, leaving Dean considerably less content than he had been five minutes previously. Ignoring his hurt feelings, afraid he might grow some ovaries, Dean rolled over and curled up to the side of the bed Castiel had vacated, it still smelling of his sweat and general essence, scrunching his eyes shut.

* * *

The next morning, Dean banged on Sam's door until it was forced open.

"Jeez Dean, chill out! What's your freaking problem?!"

Dean shrugged; "no problem. Come on, I'm hungry."

"Just a sec..."

Sam disappeared in to his room, sorting a few things before joining his brother.

Sam and Dean had only just received their coffees when the angel marched in to the diner, having been told off previously for just appearing. Dean smiled meekly, reaching up to share a soft kiss with Cas, shuffling up so his boyfriend could sit with them.

"Hey Cas," Sam smiled.

"Good morning, Sam."

Dean kept his eyes stuck on the table as Castiel laced their fingers together. Sam shot his brother a concerned look.

"So Cas... Good night?"

Castiel frowned; "did you not request at the beginning of mine and Dean's relationship to not know the details of our sexual encounters?"

Sam grimaced; "all right... Yeah..."

The angel watched Dean avoid his gaze, playing with the salt-shaker, staring out of the window, pretending to find something on his shirt.

"Are you okay, Dean?"

Dean's head shot up; "hmm? Oh, yeah..."

"You seem very distant."

"Just... Thinking. Y'know."

"Oh. Very good..."

Sam eyed his brother suspiciously; "so um... I found a case last night whilst you two were... Yeah..."

Cas smiled meekly; "do you require my assistance?"

"It's all right, Cas. You go do what you need to do," Dean snapped, his knuckles white where he was gripping the table. Sam and Castiel frowned.

"Dean? Have I upset you?"

Dean let out a long sigh; "no, sorry... Just... Didn't get much sleep."

"Oh..."

"Sorry... I'll be right back."

He pushed past Cas and hurried to the bathroom. Sam and Castiel shared a concerned glance.

"Has Dean said anything to you?" the angel asked, nervously playing with the sugar cubes in the bowl in front of him. Sam shook his head.

"Nothing. He's just been in a bit of a bad mood all morning... Did something happen last night?"

"Nothing out of the ordinary. I turned up, we discussed the previous case, we made love, I left and he went to sleep..."

Sam shrugged; "do you want me to go and speak to him?"

"I don't know... Do you think I did something? We did nothing out of the ordinary... I can't understand..."

Sam smiled meekly; "I'll talk to him. Well, I'll try..."

"Thank you... I have to leave. I'll be back soon."

"See-ya."

The angel disappeared. Dean returned several minutes later, looking around before slumping down.

"Cas left? Again?"

"What's up, Dean?"

The eldest hunter shrugged; "nothing."

"No. You've had a bad temper all morning. What happened last night?"

"Nothing! Cas turned up, we fucked, he left. Same as freakin' always, okay?!"

"Dean."

"Just leave it, Sam. It's not important, all right? Leave it!"

Sam let out a loud sigh, his shoulders slumping; "fine. But whatever it is, get over it. I'm not putting up with you in this bitchy mood you're in."

Dean pulled a face at his younger brother; "you're the bitch."

"Jerk."

After breakfast, the brothers went back to Sam's room to look over the potential case Sam had found. They rang Bobby to confirm it was an actual case and that no other hunters had picked it up before packing the car and heading off. After several miles, Dean's silence began to annoy Sam; he usually sang along to the radio, made conversation, or just talked to himself.

"Look, Dean... What is up with you?"

Dean rolled his eyes; "seriously. Nothing."

"I get it's probably none of my business, but you're driving me nuts."

Dean kept his eyes on the road, chewing his bottom lip nervously. The youngest Winchester watched his brother expectantly, waiting for him to burst and spill all his problems.

"...Dean...?"

"It's just... No. Nevermind... I can deal."

"Clearly you can't."

Dean's shoulders slumped, his eyes drifting from the road to the steering wheel; "seriously, Sammy. I don't think you really want to know... And I don't want you to know."

"Well will you at least talk to Cas? He's worried he's done something... He's afraid you're getting tired of him or something."

Dean's eyes widened; "what? No! It's just... Nevermind..."

"Fine. Just promise me you'll talk to your boyfriend. And get your head on the case."

"Yeah yeah, possible chupacabra in ass-middle-of-nowhere-Ohio. Got it."

Sam sighed, smiling when Dean turned the volume on the radio up and began singing along obnoxiously. As he sang, Dean thought about how his conversation with Cas would go, what would be said, the sex that would follow. Dean chuckled at the fact that 95% of his encounters with Cas after they got together ended in sex. He then frowned when he realised they actually ended in Cas leaving and Dean lying in bed alone.

"I'm such a fucking girl," he mumbled. Sam's head shot up.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. So uh... You come up with anything else about the case?"

* * *

That evening, Castiel zapped himself in to Sam's room, startling the youngest Winchester. Sam spluttered and nearly fell backwards on his chair before regaining control.

"Cas! Uh, what are you doing here?"

Cas shot Sam an apologetic look; "I came to ask if you'd spoken to Dean."

Sam scratched the back of his head; "oh, um, I tried. He doesn't want to talk to me about it, I think it's personal. So... You should go talk to him."

"But he doesn't like to-"

"-Just talk to him, Cas. Seriously. Withhold sex or something."

"Oh. Very well. Thank you."

Before Sam could reply, Castiel disappeared, reappearing in Dean's room on the opposite side of the motel. Unlike his brother, Dean had gotten used to Cas just appearing and smiled up at his lover when he heard the fluttering of wings.

"Evening, Cas."

"Dean. We need to talk."

The hunter frowned; "wow. Straight to business, huh."

"I'm sure you'd prefer to get the tedious conversation out of the way so we can spend the rest of the night fornicating."

Dean stared up at Cas blankly; "wow Cas. When you put it like that..."

Castiel ignored the sarcasm - or missed it entirely - and sat opposite; "something is troubling you, and I wish for you to tell me what it is."

"You'd make a terrible psychiatrist."

"Please stop deflecting and tell me."

"It's nothing, Cas. I'm just being an idiot... Other-thinking... You know? Can we get down to the fornicating please?"

Castiel sighed, exasperated; "Dean."

"Seriously Cas. Please don't make me talk about my feelings."

"It's not a sign of weakness to have feelings, Dean. It does not make you less of a man. I wish you would trust me enough to talk to me."

Dean scowled; "I do trust you, Cas! How could you say I don't?"

"If you trusted me you wouldn't be afraid to tell me how you feel, or what you're thinking. You don't trust me to love you regardless of your emotions. I raised you from Hell, Dean. I put you back together. I can read your thoughts, enter your dreams - which I don't do because you requested it of me. Please Dean, there's nothing you can truly hide from me, and it hurts me that you don't trust me as much as you say you do."

"Look, Cas..."

"...I'm listening."

Dean let out a resigned sigh, glancing around the motel room so he didn't have to look the angel in the eye; "can't you trust me enough to deal with this by myself?"

It was Castiel's turn to scowl; "don't try to turn this around, Dean."

"Fine, I'll tell you later, can we just... Please... I'm frustrated. I need to work some things out."

"You know talking is a good way to work out frustrations."

Dean growled as he quickly leapt around the table, grabbing the angel's arms; "so's having sex. Come on."

Cas allowed himself to be manhandled out of the chair and thrown down on to the bed. He expected Dean to dive on top of him, kissing him all tongue and teeth, to grab him roughly and nearly tear his clothes off. Instead, the hunter slowly covered his body with his own, pressing gentle kisses up the angel's neck until he reaching his lips, his hands softly stroking over his torso. He could tell something was definitely wrong with Dean.

Dean traced Cas' bottom lip with his tongue, gently pushing the trench coat and dinner jacket from the angel's shoulders, working the buttons undone like he'd done it a hundred times before - and he very well could have done, he'd lost count.

Instead of analysing Dean's behaviour change, Castiel sank in to the passionate kisses and the loving way the human worked away his clothing, returning the soft touches, slipping his hand under Dean's t-shirt, pulling it up and over his head. The hunter let out a pleased sigh, mouth at Cas' collar bone as his fingers fumbled with the angel's dress pants, pushing the button through and dragging the zip down, painfully slowly.

"Dean..."

Quickly undoing his own jeans, Dean shuffled back up Cas' body, pressing hot, open-mouthed kisses to Cas' neck, a tentative hand running over the expanse of pale skin before him. Castiel moaned, his back arching, his hips bucking up to find some friction against his lover.

"I love you, Cas. So fucking much."

Cas groaned out something that sounded like a reply, worming his hands between their bodies to push the remaining clothing out of the way. Dean toed off his socks and shucked his jeans to the floor, standing next to the bed and grabbing the legs of Cas' trousers, roughly yanking them and his socks off before covering his body with his own once more. Cas moaned again, louder this time, at the feel of Dean's burning hot skin against his own.

"Please, Dean," Cas sighed, slowly dragging his nails up his lover's back. Dean nodded breathlessly, trying to reach over to his bag lying next to the bed without moving his body away from the warmth of Cas'. After blindly fumbling about whilst keeping his lips latched on to the angel's pulse he finally wrapped his fingers around the bottle of lube.

"You're so beautiful, Cas," Dean mumbled, pressing hot kisses all the way up Cas' neck; "I could just worship you."

Castiel choked out a moan as he felt Dean's fingers play across his thigh; "thou shall... Shall have no other... No other Gods before me. Exodus. Twenty-"

"-Stop with the Bible talk, Cas, you're killing the mood."

Cas nodded, his eyelids fluttering shut when he heard the click of the bottle being opened. Dean's kisses trailed down Cas' chest and stomach as one hand pushed at his thigh, making the angel spread his legs wider. Suddenly a slick finger was circling his entrance; a long sigh fell from his lips as it pushed in. Dean hummed quietly, dragging his lips down to Cas' prominent hip-bones, scraping his teeth over the bones, nipping lightly and soothing the bite with flicks of his tongue. Castiel began mumbling in Enochian as one finger became two, became three, until he was grabbing out at Dean, trying to grip his shoulder.

"Dean, please. Please."

"Yeah... Yeah all right, Cas... I love you."

"I love you too."

Dean crawled up Cas' body, pressing kisses in to his hot skin as he went until he could line himself up.

"Cas, open your eyes."

It took the angel a few moments but he finally managed to peer up in to Dean's lust blown eyes; his hunter smiled, flattening down his sweat-soaked hair.

"Keep looking at me, Cas."

Castiel groaned as he felt Dean begin to push in, his eyelids slowly closing; "Dean-"

"-Look at me, Cas. C'mon."

The angel forced his eyes open as Dean continued to push in further and further until he was fully sheathed. Dean groaned, resting his forehead against Cas', his eyes finally fluttering closed. Cas' arms slipped up around the hunter's waist, fingers digging in to the soft skin, his breath coming out in heavy pants.

"Please-please move, Dean."

Dean nodded, quickly pressing his lips against Cas' before slowly beginning to pull out. Castiel bit down on his bottom lip hard enough to draw blood as Dean pushed back in just as tortuously slowly, and continued to rock in to Cas' body gently. Tenderly. Castiel could hardly bear it, his blood pumping through his veins, his breath getting caught in his throat as he tried to urge his boyfriend to speed up. Dean, however, ignored Cas' pleas to go faster and continued slowly rocking in to Cas, gently nudging against his prostate every thrust.

"Dean!"

The angel squirmed, canting his hips up, trying to grab at Dean's ass to pull him closer but Dean retaliated by grabbing Cas' hips with one hand and pinning his hands above his head with his other hand. Cas whined, struggling his lover's grip.

"Please, Dean."

Dean gasped, nuzzling against Cas' cheek, pressing wet kisses to the sweat-slick skin; "c'mon, Cas. Come on."

"Speed up. Please."

Dean nodded, speeding up his thrusts; Castiel began moaning even louder, his body writhing even more. He began babbling, urging Dean to go faster, and harder, and Dean did so, grunting and moaning in to the angel's neck.

"Cas! Cas, fuck..."

His hips began to stutter, the head of his cock dragging against Cas' prostate as they both cried out each others' names; Dean came first, Castiel following immediately afterwards. Dean collapsed down on top of Cas, breath heavy as he pressed a trail of kisses up the angel's neck. Castiel huffed out sweet nothings, trailing his hands up and down his lover's back, kissing along Dean's hair-line, not at all bothered by the beads of sweat gathered.

"Dean... I love you."

Dean smiled, pushing himself up on to his elbows, smiling down at Cas; "I love you too."

They lay in a sweaty tangle of limbs, hands touching and stroking almost hesitantly, sharing languid kisses. After a long while, Dean rolled off Cas, lying on his back, staring up at the ceiling in a blissed out daze before sitting up. He snatched his t-shirt from the floor and used it to wipe himself and Cas clean. There was an awkward fumbling as Dean crawled in to bed and tried to pull Cas with him; the angel relented and let his boyfriend throw the covers over them both.

"Are you tired, Dean?"

Dean smirked, pressing a quick kiss to the Cas' chest; "a little, yeah."

"I'll let you sleep, then," he said, sitting up. Dean frowned, watching Castiel gather his clothes from the floor.

"You... You're not staying? I thought we were-"

"-We can talk in the morning. I'll be back."

"...But... Why-"

Cas smiled, leaning down to capture Dean's lips with his own; "don't worry, Dean. You go to sleep."

"But Cas-"

"-I'll be back in the morning."

Dean found himself unable to talk as Castiel quickly got himself dressed, pressed a quick kiss to his forehead and was gone. Scowling, he flopped back against the pillows, folding his arms behind his head. He was sure that was the quickest Castiel had disappeared; and it didn't feel good. He spent most of the night tossing and turning, everything and nothing on his mind.

* * *

Sam was alarmed to see Dean look so resigned the next morning, slumped against the railing outside his door. He frowned, pushing his arms through his jacket sleeves.

"Are you all right?"

Dean shrugged; "fine."

"You sure? Talk to Cas?"

Dean said nothing; Sam looked at him expectantly, folding his arms over his chest.

"Dean?"

"He left before we could talk. Said he'd be back later to talk."

"What? But he seemed pretty determined to sort out whatever bad blood there is between you two!"

Dean sighed; "there is no bad blood! Okay?! I've just got some issues to work through and I'm taking it out on Cas!"

Sam nodded, shouldering his bag; "all right? What issues?"

"It doesn't matter, I'm dealing with them."

"Well clearly you're not! Come on, Dean let one of us help."

"Fine! I'll talk to Cas when he gets here!"

"Will you? Or will you just distract him with sex?"

Dean huffed out a loud sigh; "just leave it, Sam, seriously."

"Fine, come on. Let's get some food."

Sam followed his older brother to the Impala, noticing the way his shoulders were slumped and he shuffled instead of swaggered. Whilst Dean's back was turned, Sam quickly fired off a text to the angel.

_**"Dude, what did you do? Dean's even worse!"**_

The drive to the diner was awkwardly silent; Dean trying to pretend there was nothing wrong with him whilst Sam also pretended there was nothing wrong with him whilst trying to figure out what actually was wrong. His phone vibrated in his pocket.

"Who's that?"

Sam quickly read the text.

_**"I'm sure he was fine last night. Where are you? I'll speak to him."**_

"Just Bobby, saying he'll look in to the case to help," Sam lied, whilst texting Cas the location of the diner they were off to.

"Oh, you got anything else?"

"Not a lot. The wi-fi at the motel was playing up, I might try the library after breakfast."

"What shall I do?"

Sam shrugged; "nothing you can do really. Unless you want to help me research?"

"No thanks, Nerdy McNerderton."

"Your insults are getting progressively worse."

"Deal with it."

* * *

The talk between Dean and Castiel didn't go too well. It started off promising; Cas arrived and Dean allowed himself to be pulled in to the angel's arms. In public. The three men sat in silence, but for once it was a comfortable silence; Dean had one hand grasping his coffee cup and another gripping his boyfriend's hand tightly under the table. Castiel even humoured the hunter by ordering something to eat; Dean didn't even have any problems feeding his angel bits of his pie in front of the other diner patrons. It all turned south when Sam took an extra long trip to the bathroom, allowing the couple time to talk. Or argue, as they chose to do. When he returned, Castiel was sat by himself, a stormy look on his face.

"Hey! What happened?! Where's Dean?!"

Cas let out a long sigh; "he's in the car waiting for you, and... I don't know what happened... I asked what was wrong and he insisted he was fine; that he was just having a crisis of identity... He refuses to tell me what it was... Said something about sex and just... Left."

Sam frowned; "right. I'm going to get this out of him, whatever 'this' is. Okay? I'll text you."

Castiel managed a meek smile; "thank you, Sam... I don't know what I'd do if... If..."

"Don't worry, Cas. I'll knock some sense in to him."

"Well, I'll be off."

He disappeared before Sam could say anything else; sighing, he made sure the bill was paid and marched out to the parking lot, slipping in to the passenger seat of the Impala.

"So you ready to go to the library?" Dean mumbled. Sam shot his brother a stern look.

"Dean."

"Yeah Sam?"

"Come on, Dean. Just talk to me. Clearly you're not going to tell Cas about this problem you're having... The dude thinks you're going to break up with him! He's terrified of losing you! Just... Let me help!"

Dean scowled; "no. You'll just... Laugh at me or something."

The youngest Winchester sighed; "I promise I won't. Now c'mon."

Dean said nothing, staring at his hands clenched around the steering wheel. Sam glared.

"Dean!"

"He makes me feel cheap! Okay!?"

Sam's eyes narrowed; "...What? An angel of the Lord... Is making you, Dean Winchester... Feel cheap?!"

"Told you you'd laugh at me!"

"I'm not laughing! Just... What are you talking about?!"

Dean let out a long sigh; "it was all right at first. I didn't mind it, in fact I asked for it! But now... Things are more serious between us, right? but he still... He uh..."

"He what, Dean?"

"He still leaves straight after sex! He turns up, we screw, and he leaves! _'See-ya, Dean, thanks for the fuck, be seeing you'_! I just..."

Sam sighed, a small smile playing on his lips; "that's it? You know that's not how he sees it, right?"

"But... He doesn't even hang around for five minutes! Seriously, as soon as he can remember his name, he's off!"

"Have you asked him to stay?"

"...Um..."

"Dean! Have you actually asked Cas to stay after sex?"

Dean began scratching the back of his neck; "well... No... Not exactly."

"So how is he supposed to know, Dean? He still thinks you want him gone after sex! Just tell him!"

"But... I feel like such a chick."

"Deal with it! If you want angel cuddles after sex you've got to talk to him!"

"I'll think about it."

"No, Dean! You've got to-"

"-I said: I'll think about it. Now, are you okay to be dropped off outside the library?"

Sam huffed out a melodramatic sigh; "fine."

* * *

Dean had been sat in his room by himself ever since he'd dropped off Sam, wondering how to tell Cas what was going on with him, even if he should tell him at all. His face was hidden in his hands, feelings of confliction coursing through him when he heard wings. He scrunched his eyes shut.

"...Cas-"

"-Dean Winchester; you are one of the stupidest human beings I've ever met. I know I'm still uneducated in human behaviour, but I'm still learning, and I'm trying my hardest... But Dean... I need your help. I shouldn't be hearing this from Sam! I wish you could come to me with these things."

Dean raised his head, Castiel was looking at him with a look of fond exasperation.

"If you wanted me to hold you, post-coitus, you should have told me. I was still under the illusion you wanted to sleep alone. I would very much like to... Cuddle you... I do wish you'd spoken to me. This seems like such a trivial matter. I was afraid you wanted to end relations with me. I didn't know what to think!"

Dean forced a smile; "I'm sorry, Cas... I guess I thought you'd just... Pick it up? I assumed you'd just know after a while..."

Castiel marched over to the bed, kneeling in front of Dean and reached up to cup his cheek; "I was conflicted. I wanted to stay, I always wanted to stay; but you asked me to leave. And that's what I thought you wanted until now."

"But... I gave hints, and..."

"I don't pick up on hints, Dean. You know you have to spell things out for me."

Dean finally smiled, full and wide; "will you stay with me, tonight?"

Castiel smiled too, stroking Dean's cheek with his thumb; "nothing would stop me."

* * *

That evening, after talking the case over with Sam, and eating a very unhealthy meal of two 14 inch, deep pan pizzas between the three of them, after letting their stomachs rest whilst watching the second Robocop film, after Sam left for his own room, and after some athletic "I'm such an idiot" sex, Castiel settled in to bed beside Dean. His arms were locked around the hunter, holding him against his chest, his fingers playing with the tips of his hair. Dean smiled, finally feeling content, his head tucked under Cas' chin, knowing the angel wouldn't even attempt to sleep but would instead watch over him all night.


End file.
